Thursday, January 20, 2011

Just before dawn

Rob Thomas has a song called, "Her Diamonds" and honestly, when I first started hearing it on the radio, I enjoyed it, but not necessarily more than any other song.  However, I heard his story behind the song and then, watched the video and was touched...deeply.  You see, Rob, wrote that song for his wife who struggled through a two year flare-up and recovery from Lupus.  Some of you may already know, but Lupus is an auto-immune disorder in which the body attacks healthy cells causing chronic inflammation.  It can attack joints, internal organs and skin causing a variety of complications such as heart arrhythmias, chest pain and most commonly reported severe muscle and joint pain.  While this list is bad enough, another symptom that I think is probably the most horrible is sensitivity to sunlight.

I don't know about any of you, but if I can't get outside and IN the sun regularly, I get a little grumpy.  I've always been an outdoor person and I'm always seeking time and ways to get outside.  If I had to STAY inside, out of the sun, it would definitely take a toll.

So, as I watched the video of "Her Diamonds" a parallel to God's Morning Star rising in our hearts started to unfold in my mind...AND, my heart.  I thought about seasons of waiting out the darkness.  Seasons of struggles, loss, grief and pain.  These are just times and seasons where we know we are going to have to walk through the darkness...walk through the pain.  And, if you are anything like me, you want the sun to come NOW, QUICKLY...TODAY!  I'm the person that reluctantly agrees when my pastor reminds me about things like "riding it out"..."taking time".  It's just like the video, which shows a gradual progress through a night of pain, we also wait for that shift to happen as we journey and it happens slowly.

When we enter this darkness, whatever it may be, initially the pain is fatiguing, debilitating, paralyzing...we are frozen.  We are in despair and blindness wondering if He is there and wondering if He will come.  Slowly with a little bit of "melting away" of that which paralyzes us, we begin to move.  We start to move and the movement is BECAUSE of the sun.  More "melting away" occurs and we gasp for air and slowly begin to breathe.  We may collapse, but we continue our movement as the sun begins to rise.  We are now bathed in a gentle light and starting to lift ourselves up because we are in a "just before dawn" twilight.  There is hope...hope that the sun is rising.  Honestly, this is some of what I thought of as I watched the video.

Another thing that is amazing to think about is Rob's lyrics about how he can't really help his wife: 
"It's funny how the night can make you blind, and I can just imagine"
"but if she feels bad then I do too, so I let her be"
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do, so I sit down and I cry too"
"It's hard to see them(tears) on the ground"

But, I think maybe he DOES know how to help her.  In our dark times, don't we just want someone to say, they can't imagine what we are going through, that they feel bad and maybe just sit with us...walk with us...CRY with us?  I bet it IS hard for a bridegroom to see his bride's tears.  In fact, our Bridegroom COLLECTS them! 

"You have taken account of my wanderings;
put my tears in Your bottle
are they not in Your book?" -Psalm 56:8(NASB)

If you want, take a moment to watch Rob's video:

So, Beloved, in times of darkness, may you remain faithful and continue to seek Him.  Daybreak is coming, the scene is shifting and you will stand in brilliant light.  And may the brilliance of this light be fierce and friendly and FUN!  You just might be surprised as you look back across the dark field you walked through and see that during those times He WAS there!  Every place that you sat down across this field...this dark journey is planted with good because He always traveled with you!  AND, slowly and gently He will point to your heart, and you will look down and see Him because an even MORE magnificent daybreak is happening in your heart!  It is a joyous day!

"Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I" - Isaiah 58:8-9


  1. Beautiful, Tammy. Keep writing, girl! :)

  2. this is such a beautiful post, tammy, gave me chills & the song rocked, too. love the lyrics that you set apart.

  3. Ellen and Kathy you guys are the best! Yea, I finally figured out the video embedment...NOW, if I could just find those tab things??? Still haven't figured that one out. Thanks again for the LOVE! ;-)