Knit Together

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. -Psalm 139:13-14

I recently was overwhelmed with awe for my Savior as I read Psalm 139 and meditated on the thought of Him knitting me together!  The thought of a Divine hand weaving my soul together with a unique pattern and design.  And, I wonder why I can doubt so much and why I can go into so much self-contempt!?  What happens to us as we leave the womb and enter the world?  A fallen world that bombards us with lies every day.  So, as I am working on my own knitting project, I pray.  I pray that God would show me His pattern for my life and set me on a course of TRULY knowing He took great care in designing me!

It's amazing to think about the Creator of the universe sitting down to knit me together!  I think about my knitting projects and the excitement in choosing the thread, the pattern, the weave, the design, etc.  Did God Himself get excited about going and choosing the thread for my life?  Wow!  That's hard to believe, but as much as He loves us, I bet He did!  Every aspect of the creation(us) exciting a designer that was SO pleased and happy with His design!  The God of the universe sitting down to knit!!!  I imagine Him being so patient as He brings about the perfect color, pattern, design and order that gives the final project it's beauty!

In the past, it has been so easy for me to be amazed by God's creation of land and nature because I've been so attracted to the outdoors!  I love being in His mountains and seeing His overwhelming Majesty!  The beautiful lakes, streams and wild flowers that line the mountains and the sight of a hawk soaring above a meadow that completes His perfect canvas!  In the mountains I can truly SEE His handiwork and KNOW He is an artist!

So, to think about God as an artist in creating me?  Wow!  I have to admit, not something that I have pondered and grasped as much as I have lately.  I believe I've been able to SEE others, but in the sense of seeing their hearts and the GOOD in them!  So, looking at others as God's art is amazing to think about!  I wonder if that is some of what the band Jars of Clay were thinking when they wrote the song, "Art in me"?  Here are some of the lyrics:
In your picture book I'm trying hard to see
Turning endless pages of this tragedy
Sculpting every move you compose a symphony
You plead to everyone, "see the art in me"

So, can I see the art in me?  In others?  Can we see the art in each other?  I sure hope so!  And, I hope we can learn to see it better and better as we encounter one another in community!  For I also believe God has intertwined our lives together by His Spirit.  We ARE one!  Designed to be one in Him!  What a beautiful thing to think about!

Right now, I think God might even be repairing and carefully picking up some "dropped stitches" of my life!  I know when I drop stitches in my own knitting projects, I often go running to friends who can help me fix it.  Sometimes, yes, I am able to fix the error myself, but I am so happy to have friends who can help me when I can't.

So, as I have pondered these things about knitting and God as a knitter...well, I pray we all would see the beautiful design that He has created in ourselves and in others.  I pray we would allow God through our community to pick up dropped stitches and truly SEE each other as His perfect creation!  SEE it Beloved, His creative expression is in all of us!

His Invitation

I'm sitting here thinking about lyrics to Shawn McDonald's song "Have you ever"...
"Have you ever wanted to be someone else?
Have you ever wanted just to be someone?
Have you ever wanted to reach your dreams?
Have you ever wanted life to be more than it seems?"

So, true confession...as a single person well, YES, I have wanted to be someone else.  I see so many beautiful women and their beautiful families and think, "God, why can't I have that?"  Now, I'm not trying to say that the grass is greener.  I know plenty of marriages in which the grass IS NOT greener!  I'm just saying that there is a definite heart pain in observing what seems to be "perfect people"..."perfect families"...or, what I'm wanting to say right now...the "beautiful people"!

Beautiful people that seem to have hope.  But, do they?  I'm not sure.  I'm not sure because I guess I've never seen them "in the trenches".  Meaning, what does their church-going and faith look like when stripped of family, money, comforts or acceptance?  AND, what does their faith look like when approached by someone that may not be as beautiful as them or as smart or whatever?  Do they get in the trenches and LOVE...ACCEPT....INVITE or INCLUDE?  DO THEY SHARE THEIR HOPE???  Their HOPE just might be what helps another brother or sister grow and heal!

Have you ever seen Casting Crowns video of "Does anybody hear her?"  Pretty powerful video that shows a lone girl desiring to go to church and be included with a group of people.  Time after time, they pass her by.  And, I think of the line that says,
"Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me."

Hope tucked away in you and me?  Yes, Jesus Christ!  And, would Jesus pass her by knowing she NEEDS hope?  He wouldn't.  He would stop, take the time to talk with her, be with her and invite her to be with Him.
Are we keeping our hope tucked away?  Are we the superficial church that has forgotten His invitation and His command to LOVE, ACCEPT, INCLUDE...and, INVITE?

Where is His invitation?  It's always there.  It's just not always there through you and me, is it?  As His Beloved, may we supernaturally feel His love and hope IN US and may we all learn to share that hope and not tuck it away.  Because His Invitation IS through you and me...giving each other HOPE!

Out of the darkness?

"It's dark in here...very dark. I can't see You, I can't hear You...where are You, God?"

In all honesty, I think that became my most used phrase in my journal this past year. Crying out to God in the midst of hardship, loneliness and pain. Happy to have 2009 over with...praying for a better 2010!

However, this past year did make me re-evaluate true blessings...OR as one of my Christian sisters put it, "Silver Linings"! Just waking every morning and saying, "This is the day that the Lord has made! I will rejoice and be glad in it!" Okay, some mornings it didn't come out as chipper as maybe you just read that. But, I WAS thankful for the provision of groceries, a car, gas in the car...day by day of not knowing where these things would come from. He provided...and well, I guess I have to be honest and say that I probably wasn't thankful all of the time. In fact, I'm pretty sure I still complained and cried out to Him!

So, I'm thankful prayers came, intermittent times of worship happened and I am still in love with my Savior...thankful for His promise to not let anything snatch me away from His hand! But, instead of a day by day thankfulness...well, it seemed to be a day by day "fight" with a hardened heart, pain, loneliness, anger and bitterness. And, at times I DID wonder if He was even there. I hate that I struggled so...and well, still do. But, I also hate that in this struggle, fear gripped me and kept me from reaching out. So, I isolated...afraid to tell anyone of my struggles...especially my Christian friends. Those around me seemed to have perfect lives! Plenty of social events, family, physical health, finances, etc.

Have you ever just wanted someone to know the REAL you and not judge you? I think we all have. A community that would sit with you until physical pain subsides...someone to SEE your heart and HEAR what you are saying...and, someone that actually would not leave?! I think too often in the Christian community, we hide behind "boundaries". We take this pop-psychology theory and decide we are not going to get messy and involved with those in need...the wounded...the sick, etc. and we say, "Oh, they need help from someone else...I have to set my boundaries and take care of me!" Selfish? Narcissistic? Yes! I'm not saying we push limits in an unhealthy way...but, why NOT get a little messy? Recently, my pastor talked about how Jesus was always hanging out with those with "problems"! So, can we get messy and be around those with problems? Another one of my pastors also talked about when Lazarus came out of the grave Jesus didn't tell counselors, pastors, "the professionals" to remove his grave clothes...he said YOU remove his grave clothes!!! His family and friends that were there! Jesus wanted Lazarus' community to remove his grave clothes!

Why can't we get messy and remove a few grave clothes from our brothers and sisters? Are we selfish with our time? Are we afraid we might look "bad"...ruin our reputation? Are we wanting to stay in the comfort zone that has no room for the poor and the oppressed? I sure hope not. I pray I wouldn't miss Jesus in the "least of these" and miss the blessing He has for me through them...through me? Yes, I believe I am considered the least of these in a lot of ways! I've been exposed to plenty of people who "in this world" are definitely higher status than I am. And, well, I can't lie...it has hurt to know they have rejected me because of my status and who I may or may not be rubbing elbows with! OR...maybe they think I have "problems"! And, yes, I do! But, we all do...we all need Him...we all need each other! We all need a few grave clothes removed!

But, in the midst of some of this horrible rejection...I saw it! I saw what the world is drawn to! And, I WAS drawn to it too! Drawn to a worldly status of comfort, looks/clothes, cars, people, money, etc. The list goes on and on! AND, probably the biggest thing that concerns me for all of us in our struggles against what we worship...happiness...worldly happiness! What I would call "The New Age Happiness Gospel!" Where no one ever shows lamentation, grieving or sadness...because that is weakness! My prayer is we all would KNOW the true meaning of JOY!!! Joy=calm delight! Calm delight in our Savior! Some of the most depressed people by the world's definition are probably the most joyful in the Kingdom! KINGDOM LIVING! Praying we all would strive to live this way!

Well, I believe I am coming out of some darkness! And, in His time, I will look back and see more silver linings than I'm able to see now. And, I pray I'd be more and more in love with Jesus! I end with sharing a poem I wrote on my 18th Spiritual Birthday this summer. I had a friend encourage me to meditate on the Beatitudes...considering all that I had just gone through.

So, even though I'm sitting here in all honesty declaring I failed...failed miserably in being thankful everyday and failed in being a "good Christian"...well, He still held me...IS holding me and WILL hold me! He HAS and WILL bless me! I'm hanging on to that promise...as His Beloved!

Poor or Rich?

You have no money,

but you're pure in heart.

A heart He softens

and tightly guards.

You're poor in Spirit

and can mourn for days.

The Kingdom is yours

you're rich in faith.

You hunger and thirst

with meekness inside.

Inherit the earth

be satisfied!

You're falsely accused

rejected by men

Receive His Mercy,

Mercy you give.

You take steps towards peace

and humbly confess.

Child of God

you are blessed!

So take His anointing,

The Spirit in you.

Love the oppressed,

Bring the good news!

-Tammy Carter(8/6/09)

Matt. 5:3-12, Is. 61:1, Jas 2:5