Rock and a Hard Place

[This post is part of a group synchroblog. This month the bloggers will share stories related to living a resurrected life and answering the question, "Do you live under a rock?" Check out the awesome blogger's links below! I will add to the list as they come in!]

I guess I have to admit, sometimes I have a tendency live under a rock.  Fumbling around in darkness, not really knowing which way to go, not knowing or maybe believing He is there?  I wrote about darkness back in January of 2010(Out of the Darkness) and well, it still feels like maybe my heart intermittently forgets His great love for me and why He died for me.  And, right now, I almost think I'm actually living BETWEEN "a rock" and a "hard place"!

The hard place.  It's moving forward into what I believe God has been stirring in my heart for a long time.  In the bigger picture, it's freedom.  In my head and heart, it's trying to come to terms with the fact that I have been living under an "oppressive system" in which I have been taught certain scripture or doing church.  Right now, it's confusing to me, scary and at times, very frustrating.  It feels as if I'm doing something wrong, going off the deep end or being rebellious.  But, at the same time, I KNOW it's Him.  He's there and I believe He's just telling me to trust Him and stay there.  So, it's hard right now because I sometimes want to run back to the old ways of doing things because it's familiar, comfortable...easy.  I just wrote a poem about trying to "break through" and STAY in this hard place(Ruined by Grace).  Maybe this breaking through IS learning to live on the resurrected side of the cross?  I don't know, but sometimes it is painful and full of all kinds of temptations. 

I have often heard people say that so many people live on the crucified side of the cross and not the resurrected side.  But, what DOES the resurrected side really look like?  I believe it doesn't really look different or fancy or glamorous to the world.  After all, it's the resurrection, not the ascension.  Living on the resurrected side doesn't mean life will be perfect, that we will always be happy, or that we will never experience hardship.  It just means that in all of life we trust Him and what He is doing because He paid a price and loves us and cares about us.  That's it.

The rock.  Well, right now, the rock seems to be this place or this pull of me wanting to run back to Egypt or former ways of believing.  Ways that may seem comfortable, familiar, but are still there holding my chains of oppression...bondage.  Bondage to a system that says I'm not good enough or confident enough to be "one of God's special people"(honestly, was told this by a "fellow believer" one time).  A "friend" here once told me that I better "be careful" about singing the words to the Train song, "Calling all angels" because I would some how call "bad" angels to me if I didn't sing the words, "Calling all 'good' angels" instead?!  Yea, she "knew better" because she was born in a Christian family, went to a famous Christian college and I better just "submit" because I didn't know anything!?  I think for awhile, I DID believe her!  Or at least believed things like this.  I definitely felt lesser...like I was not a good Christian because I wasn't raised in a Christian home or because I had struggles...which we all do.  And, those struggles never seemed to be forgiven, rather full of guilt and shame.  So, WHY do I want to "go back"?  I guess because I DID believe all the accusations and things held over my head...so, I kept trying and staying in submission to this type of control...maybe hoping that some day I would be the "perfect Christian".

Some times people in this place can be severe narcissists.  My friend Karla just wrote an amazing poem about this(The Religious Narcissist).  While Karla was massively exposed to the brunt of all of this, this man was in our small group for awhile and he and a couple of others really thought they were "God's chosen" and the rest of us were just peons.  It's weird...and, the hard part for me, is how sometimes they can suck you into believing some of it!?!  Yea, my problem, always trying to be friends with the narcissistic woman who thinks this?!!  These are those women that just simply surround themselves with people that they can control.  Yes, she was one in this "chosen group".  Any time a stronger woman came into her life or someone in her "chosen circle" started to question her, get more attention than her or actually just see the truth...well, she got rid of them.  And, she scapegoated them.  One of my favorite quotes...

"People will constantly try to hook your wounded self. They will point out your needs, your character defects, your limitations and sins. That is how they attempt to dismiss what God, through you, is saying to them." -Henri J. Nouwen

I know this "rock", on the other side of the "hard place" MAYBE did offer some good things at one point in life.  Things like discipline and being consistent, worship and prayer.  All very important, but they seemed to come with people who believed they had the "correct way" of doing them and any other way was a "sin".

I believe the hard place will some day get a little less scary and will reveal to me His healing and His love.  I believe it will be living in His resurrection and His glory.  And, it will no longer be a hard place that squishes me on the other side of the rock.  It will be THE ROCK that I actually stand on...Jesus, loving me and forgiving me in these hard places!  One scripture a friend recently reminded me of, Psalm 61...

"Hear my cry, O God,listen to my prayer;
from the end of the earth I call to you
when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock
that is higher than I,
for you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the enemy.
Let me dwell in your tent forever!
Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings!" -Psalm 61:1-4

Yea, instead of wedging myself between a rock and a hard place, probably the best place to wedge myself in between right now is community...

THIS is why I have seen "the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living"!  Because of the people who love me...He's in our hearts, Beloved...each one of us carrying on His resurrection work of healing, love, grace and forgiveness!

Links to Synchrobloggers below:

Phil Wyman's Square No More - Apocalyptic fervor spurs benevolent giving

Marta Layton, Marta's Mathoms - Getting Out from Behind the Rock

Mike Victorino, Simply A Night Owl - Crawling Out From Under A Rock

John Paul Todd, e4Unity - Still Asleep in the Light

Patrick Oden, Ravens - A Resurrection

Jeff Goins, writer - Resurrection

Kathy Escobar, the carnival in my head - little miracles

Christen Hansel, Greener Grass - Resurrection Rhythm

Liz Dyer, Grace Rules Weblog - I Will Answer That Question In A Minute, But First, I Want To Talk About Jesus

Brambonius, Brambonius' blog in english - hiding the Resurrection life like a candle under a bucket?

George Elerick, The Love Revolution - (for)getting the resurrection

Alan Knox, the assembling of the church - April Synchroblog: Living the Resurrected Life

Steve Hayes, Khanya - Descent into Hell & penal substitution

Bill Sahlman, Creative Reflections - Do We Live Under a Rock of Belief?

Christine Sine, Godspace - Palm Sunday Is Coming But What Does It Mean

Matt Stone, Glocal Christianity - Living The Resurrection

To be heard

I have to be honest, I haven't wanted to write anything here lately.  Why?  Because it seems like for the last few weeks I've ran into more people writing about or crying out to be heard...a theme of not only being heard, but wanting to hear God, each other.  So, why write/say anymore?  Why not listen...read?

I think it all started with a friends FB status talking about non-verbal communication and silence.  I'm not sure, but whatever it was, I kept running into meetings, conversations, writings and posts about listening...being heard.  So I thought, the last thing I need to do is write something...rather listen to or read another friend's words.  And, to be honest with you, I can be down right passionate about this topic and some of my feelings about it may be jaded and full of pain.  Nevertheless, I decided to write about a few things that came up.

Last week I was sitting in one of our faculty meetings at my physical therapy school here in Denver.  Part of it was a strategic planning meeting and that is when I was impacted the most.  During this time frame, ranked faculty were asked to remain silent and record feedback from affiliate faculty.  It's not often that you fill an entire room full of PhDs and get them to remain silent.  But, it was important for the improvement and growth of the program.  After all, the affiliate faculty are the ones "seeing" a different perspective of the students and how it all plays out in the clinic.  And, the thought hit me that we HAVE grown and improved!  I have watched this program go from a non-accredited status to one of the top 30 schools in America for physical therapy and I believe it's because of this type of "listening" adopted by the faculty.

Then, the sad part of the meeting...it was announced that one of our faculty members is leaving and moving to Florida.  Sad because she is one that is mainly responsible for implementing this type of "active listening" into our program.  A component that threads Motivational Interviewing(MI) into the curriculum and allows for, what I believe, can be the primary success of an entire program.  I believe MI is what has allowed me to truly listen to my patients and more often than not, have an idea of what is going to help them before I even examine or treat them. 

"Listen to the patient. He is telling you the diagnosis." -Sir William Osler (1849-1919), the founding father of modern medicine.

And, I know some of you are thinking this is a "counselor only technique".  However, I believe it can be applied to ALL of us, not just licensed professionals.  And, if you are looking for a great resource on it for health care, the original MI researchers have a great book about it!  Anyway, my overall point here, is that listening can help any of us in all kinds of areas for growth, improvement...change!  And, not only is it listening, it's active listening or what MI researchers call EMPATHIC listening.  It's important to listen to family, friends, co-workers, patients/clients...AND STRANGERS!  You just never know what you might learn or maybe WHO you might HEAR FROM GOD through!

Just last week, my pastor mentioned he was disappointed in the blog sphere of articles about the Rob Bell situation.  I believe her point was just about all the craziness it caused and stirred up.  Yet, in the meantime, natural disasters and wars are breaking out all over!  Perspective, I guess.  Maybe to encourage us to be careful what we write...what we focus on?  Maybe to be careful to listen first...or better yet, pray first?  I don't know.  I don't know enough about Rob Bell and his new book to comment.  But, I do remember reading some posts about it and thinking some were just getting louder, "wordy-er" and repetitive.  However, I did read a few good posts about it:

IM Book Review: The Language of Science & Faith -Adam Palmer
Grieved by this... - Brian Newman
My 3 cents on Rob Bell's new book - Ellen Haroutunian

Interestingly enough, I think it might all go back to LISTENING rather than talking/writing.  Not only in relationship with each other, but with God.  What is God trying to say to us in all of this craziness going on right now?  We might be best to listen and not say/write anything?!  I don't know.  But, what I do know, is I want to be heard, my friends and community want to be heard and I'm pretty sure God wants to be heard.  Seems to me there are numerous times in the bible in which God mentions, "they did not listen" or "they refused to listen" or even "listen carefully".  The list goes on and on so, I do think listening is important to God.  And HEARING Him should be important to us!

^"Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they are doing evil. Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes with much business, and a fool’s voice with many words." -Eccl. 5:1-3


"Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.  Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." -James 1:18-20

Anyway, these are just some things that came to mind lately with this theme of listening or wanting to be heard.  Just a stirring that I believe He's creating...creating so He can be heard in my life and, so I can grow, improve and change!  And, something maybe He's stirring in others as well...just read another good post:
Listening During Lent - Liz Dyer

Something I think that will be my next read:  planetwalker.  Just one that really caught my attention lately.
Thanks for reading or should I say, listening!

Transference & weight...pray & wait!

Transference in the medical profession, for the most part, can be pretty straight forward.  Patient's trauma and pain often brings out other internal or emotional wounds.  Often times, as treatment proceeds, well, a medical professional can become the "sounding board" for a few other problems.  At this point, it can be fairly easy to see when a patient has unrealistic expectations of a professional.   After 13 years, I've been able to clue in on some of these and adjust treatment plan/session accordingly.

So, why is it that when it comes to transference within a friendship or a closer relationship that this subtle phenomenon can sneak up on me and blind side me like none other?!  I'm generally the "good girl" or the "tough girl" that plays by the rules and can just keep "toughing it out" to the next season or the next accomplishment.  And, well, I think when these qualities are combined with a really good season...well, I become vulnerable...or "attractive" to those that are in very tough places.  Don't get me wrong...I KNOW, in a blink of an eye, God can reverse this....AND, he HAS.  However, that weight that we pick-up in care taking someone in a bad position can get heavier and heavier.  We start to "carry the load" thinking we are following God's command to carry one anothers burdens, and then somewhere along the line we cross-over to a point where the weight becomes too much.  Transference has occured and now, no one really knows where one begins and ends and no one knows whose crap is whose!?!?  Subtle and very frustrating.
Now, when this occurs...how MUCH are we supposed to work on healing or balance?  Or...I wonder how LONG are we supposed to wait for seasons to shift, our wounds to heal, someone or something to change?  Well, I believe we are SUPPOSED TO GO THE DISTANCE...

"If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles."  -Matthew 5:41

My pastor recently talked about "hanging in there" for two years with a narcissitic friend of hers and they FINALLY had some break throughs...wow!  I can't imagine...but, good for her for hanging in there!  Why can't we all do that?
Why can't I be in it for the long haul?  Not give up?  Forgive, forgive, forgive, forgive????!!!!!  Something we all need to think about.  I have to admit...I think I have given up too quickly on some of my brothers and sisters.  However, finding that balance of "hanging in there" and not allowing the weight to over take us...THAT's the tricky part.

So, if you're feeling the weight of transference or whatever the case may be...pray and do your best to hang in there and find that manageable and appropriate balance!  WAIT for Jesus!  I believe He will show up and heal at the right time.  He will wait for YOU, Beloved!  So, wait for your friend...or your brother and sister...for they are also His!  We are all His Beloved...may we learn to carry one another's burdens in the appropriate and safe way that He calls us to, all while praying and waiting!  And, in that waiting, I pray we all would somehow be able to trust and worship Him!  I believe we might just be surprised to find all along...Jesus was waiting for us...His Beloved...His Bride!

"I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD." -Psalm 27:13-14

The Few & The Narrow

So often I have to remind myself of a couple of scriptures when it comes to the lack of interest in serving the church. I was a member of a pretty big church for 10 years and I remember how it seemed like the same few people did all the “work”.  Same people interceding, same people serving communion, so on and so forth. AND, well serving His church also includes reaching out and including the broken-hearted, the lost, the lonely…the “least of these”.

2And he said to them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest. 3Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves. –Luke 10:2-3(ESV)

Graham Cooke often says his ministry is “reaching Christians for Christ”…and, while I laugh at that statement (because it’s funny), I also ache inside a little because so often that is the case! We as Christians just sometimes don’t GET IT!!! We are SO COMFORTABLE in America that if reaching out and including people doesn’t fit into our schedules, life-style or clique…well, we are just not going to do it!  It seems to me that Jesus’ ministry was primarily filled with finding…even going out of His way (Woman at the well) to reach the fatherless, the rejected, the needy…which can be any of us…anyone that is HONEST with their brokenness!

It’s hard to be honest about brokenness, but sometimes, when we are, we realize we are not alone…ALL of us are broken! And, the interesting thing to me is the way God reveals this is often through those in our community in which we least expect it!

“Community is the place where the person you least want to live with, always lives!”-Henri Nouwen

So, I tried another big church for awhile and well, I wonder why this was the same case with a "few workers"!? Hmmm…can Satan have us so deceived that we don’t follow our mission? Do we need to have a “come to Jesus meeting” with each other? OR, do we need to pray that we would LIVE the mission and connect with each other? Well, YES, PRAYER is the obvious choice, but I believe we also need to just realize that maybe FEW will truly reach the harvest?! Few because I believe the choice to serve like Jesus wants us to also is HARD and well, NARROW!  Few actually choose to connect with those in their community and serve.

13"Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. 14For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. –Matthew 7:13-14(ESV)

The narrow gate is hard because it often is the uncomfortable route for most of us. It includes obedience, discipline, suffering, pain and SURRENDERING! Surrendering our lives daily to God’s will! Just this past week, my small group studied and discussed surrendering.

I have to admit…a VERY hard thing for me sometimes! Probably because it IS including the narrow way! But, WHY is it that I want the wide gate? This gate leads to destruction? Probably because I believe the wide gate IS the best and may be “easy” in the short-term, but then, eventually leads to my harm. So, right now, the choice again is PRAYER! Prayer that I would have the COURAGE to enter that narrow gate, surrender and serve those Christ wants me to serve!

Again, I would like to share a poem God gave me as I processed surrendering…

Heartbeat of God


Laying my head
Upon Your chest
Your pulse I hear
As I rest.

You gently say,
“I am here.”
“No more worry,
No more fear!”


Heartbeat of God
Beat with mine
Restore my soul
Take my life.


In Your Comfort
I am still
Beside Your stream
In Your Will.


Walking in peace
Guide my step
Your rhythm leads
Right or left.


Heartbeat of God
Beat with Mine
Restore my soul
Take my life.
     -Tammy Carter

So, as His Beloved, I pray we would be part of the few to reach the harvest, enter the narrow gate...AND surrender to Him! Surrender because I believe He will restore our souls giving us rest, peace, trust, faith and HOPE!

Let's be "Christian about this thing"!

Okay, who doesn't think that The Blind Side is one of the best movies EVER?!  Unbelievable!  I won't give too much away, but there is a conversation in there that you have to be paying attention to in order to catch.  It's a scene early on in the movie where Big Mike is lying on the couch of a couple who has "taken him in" and the couple is arguing about what to do...here's the conversation:

Woman: I’m tired of having someone always in our home. I’m tired of him eating all the food.

Man: Look, man, you gotta be Christian about this thing.

Woman: Let somebody else be Christian about this thing.

Man: Dee, come on, I can’t kick him out on the street like he’s some dog.

Woman: Let somebody else take the responsibility.

WOW..."Let somebody else be Christian about this thing"?!?!  "Let somebody else take the responsibility"?!?!  Couldn't believe my ears...then, it hit me...isn't that US?  Don't WE put off everything that isn't convenient, scheduled, comfortable, responsible...the "Christian thing to do"?  I mean, this guy was homeless and kept having nightmares that flashed back to childhood trauma and this woman says, "Let somebody else be Christian about this thing"?!

I do know Jesus came for the sick...the wounded...the traumatized.  And, as I have mentioned before, one of my pastors made the comment about how Jesus was always hanging out with people with problems.  And, well, in my opinion, we all have problems.  But, I know He uses us in each other's lives to heal and to "bind up the broken-hearted" so, I think I need to take a little inventory.  Am I reaching out to the sick...or, am I only hanging out with those that are "normal" or "comfortable"?  Tough question for any of us to answer.  I've heard A LOT of talk about community and connecting and getting messy...but, I haven't SEEN OR DONE a lot to put this into practice.

So, I wonder, can we "cross" other barriers or segregation lines to form community?  Lines like race, sex, color, health, intelligence, wealth, appearance, etc.  I think if we did this more often, it would bless and heal more in our lives than we could ever imagine!!!  

Back to The Blind Side...
Well, somebody else WAS "Christian about this thing"!...or to the traumatized and homeless, Big Mike!  This lady, Leigh Anne, SAW him and INVITED him into their home.  She didn't give up on him and even when he didn't trust and tried to run.  She was persistent, loved him and DIDN'T give up on him!

She even walked away from some "high society"/financially wealthy friends!  One of her friends made a comment to her about how she was changing Big Mike's life...well, Leigh Anne promptly responded with, "No, he's changing ours!"

So, if you haven't seen this movie...DO SO!!!  Then, watch it again...then again...and well, maybe again!  If you don't have the access or the time...well, read the Beatitudes Matthew 5:1-12...and then, read it again...and again....and again!!! :-)

Wake up, Beloved!  He is everywhere....even in those you may have overlooked, abandoned and maybe thought you were "better than".  Jesus shows up in so many different places...often where we least expect it and often where we think we need to turn away from!  The "least of these" changes so often and quickly...you are where you are only because of Him...and, that can change in a blink of an eye!

I believe Leigh Anne knew that...and she WAS "Christian about this thing"!!!

God have mercy on Your Beloved!

"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy,"  -Matthew 5:7

Knit II

Hey my fellow brothers and sisters! I know, I know…you all are maybe sick of my knitting fixation…BUT, God is teaching me so much through this that I want to share His blessings!

I recently started a new knitting project. And, with good timing, I received the book, “Knitting for dummies”! While it is a good teaching book for the task itself…some of the words really made me think about this life God has given us and how He has knitted us all together as one body to display His perfect design!

As you all read, my last lesson(blog) took me through Psalm 139 and seeing the way He has knitted us together individually! But, recently, I read Col. 2:2-3 and Col. 2:19 and God reveled the many ways He has knitted us all together as one body:

Briefly, Col. 2:2-3 the ESV and NIV translations:
“knit together in love” and “united in love”
BUT, expanding The Message paraphrase REALLY hit my heart:
“WOVEN INTO A TAPESTRY OF LOVE”!

Wow, what an amazing God! I picture all of us joined in prayer together, carrying one another’s burdens and loving on one another! Then, I imagine God just looks down and smiles on us because He sees that this “joining together” is beautiful…it creates a perfect design and He loves it…loves US!

Then, Col. 2:19…
ESV: “nourished and knit together”, NIV: “supported and held together”!
And, well, again my favorite…The Message:
“Christ, who puts us together in one piece, whose very breath and blood flow through us”

Again, I love how God brings us together! And well, it is LOVE that brings us together! And, if you’ve read one of my past blogs on love( http://blessingthebeloved.blogspot.com/2009/07/humility-sacrifice-love.html ) well, you know my thoughts on love. And, it’s not always love as maybe the WORLD thinks of love. Sometimes it’s messy and painful…but, it always seems to teach us something and lead us back to HIM! It IS sacrifice...sacrifice of our souls for one another…just as Christ did on the Cross!

So, my family LOVED me well this week! Lots of prayers for my heart that have driven me back into my OVERCOMING phase!!! As you all read in my last poem…I truly HAVE seen His hand work in my life as an overcomer!
As many of you know, God has given me the courage to get beyond the trials this year and set some goals in getting back to what I used to do! I made a great list of things and was able to accomplish most of them! Just a FEW:
1. Back on the skis!
2. Hiked above 14000’…first time in four years!
3. Returned to church and prayer team!
4. Return to my career as a manual therapist!
5. Cycled over 65 miles…again, first time in four years! AND, the JOY as my fellow cyclists remember my famous, “It’s Shammy Time!” shout before a ride!
6. Returned to running!

The list goes on! Just a few praises! I did hit a slump lately with some pain issues, but yet, He still sustains me and I just keep moving forward! I know He has us all intertwined and knit together for a reason…it’s just sometimes hard to see that reason in the midst of painful realizations! But, it IS pain and suffering that we are blessed to share in with Christ! His suffering redeemed us all! His blood shed on the Cross for US!!! I imagine it is HIS blood that flows through all of us…knitting us together in love!

I am blown away by how He is working all things for good! As I just told a few good friends…I have never been SO close to the “threshold of hope” in my entire life!!! I love community and the importance of sharing in these things and being able to pray for one another...we truly are knit together for His good purposes!

Okay, thank you, my community for reading yet another KNIT blog! I’m thinking this next project or garment I’m knitting is going to be the best! I am getting better you know…despite all of my short-comings, I am His Beloved and well, He loves where I’m at and SO LOVES my potential! After all, He knit me together…knitted US together! Praise God we are ONE as His Beloved!