Showing posts with label surrender. Show all posts
Showing posts with label surrender. Show all posts

Monday, March 7, 2011

Put down the axe

[This post is part of a group synchroblog. This month the bloggers will be sharing insights and thoughts about Wilderness Experiences. I will add links to the other synchrobloggers below as they come in. Check them out!  They are way cool.]

It recently occurred to me that I seem to always want that balance of remembering the “mountain top” season of blessings while I’m in the midst of a wilderness experience and yet, I also seem to want to remember what He showed me in the wilderness when I’m “on top of the mountain”!?  It’s like I need to think about His blessings and great love for me to get through desert times and then, I need to remember my brokenness and my complete dependence on Him to humble myself when I’m on the mountain top!
And, as much as I hate to admit it, I think sometimes what I might call a wilderness experience may have been just circumstance or “hard times” versus Him truly testing me/transforming me. I can’t deny the fact that sometimes when an earthly comfort is taken away I’m the one that quickly wants to yell out, “You said You’d never heap upon me more than I can bear!” True confession...and, He hasn’t. And, earthly comforts aren’t really what I need. What I need is my heart to be transformed to trust Him.  I need to trust the path that He has me on even though it may be through a wilderness.  I also believe I'm one that tends to try so hard to get through the wilderness on my own strength or at least as fast as I can!  Yea, that last one never works out for me neither!

Right now, I seem to be taking a look back at 5 years of wilderness. In these last 5 years, I truly have had many times of trauma, physical pain, heart pain, struggle and loss. During this time, I believe I always tried to look to Him and I have been very careful to listen to His voice. However, I believe at times I tried too hard. It’s like I've been trying so hard at being a good and faithful follower that I “missed the forest for the trees”.  Like taking an axe and trying to work hard at chopping down a very large tree right in front of me.  I kept chopping and swinging and hitting and believing the whole time the tree was going to fall over.  And well, it never did.

It wasn’t until recently that I stopped. I stopped and realized that He wants me to just put down the axe and know that I can’t work at this any more. I can’t make things happen. I need to just stop and let HIM do the chopping. And, I believe right now He is chopping down that tree. He is showing me glimpses of the forest and I’m getting tastes of freedom that I believe will allow me to rest in Him and just enjoy Him…even in the wilderness.

Am I moving into another season? I sure hope so. But, I don’t believe there are any guarantees. And, I don’t know that our true desert or wilderness ever completely goes away here on earth. I believe it's part of this "tension" we all talk about and experience and can be there for all kinds of reasons, but mostly I believe the tension is there because we just don’t belong here. I believe it could be that we all are just longing to go home and longing to be with Him.

I would like to think that this 5 year wilderness I've experienced would be preparing me for something here on earth. Ministering to the traumatized, the broken-hearted, the abused or the forgotten? I don’t know. It's a hope...a dream.  One that I pray He would bless and anoint.  But, I just know that for right now I need to put down the axe. And I pray that I would leave it there. For the only thing I believe I can do is take baby steps each day into the plans He has for me. To do my best to surrender and just know He is there guiding each step. He is holding me, preparing me, guiding me and completing me.  As His beloved, I pray I can truly know this, let it sink deep into my heart and trust Him.

10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
11 All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.
12 Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them.
Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all.
13 For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. -Isaiah 41:10-13

Links to Synchrobloggers below:



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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

His instrument, His song

[This post is part of a group synchroblog. This month the bloggers will share stories related to Creativity & Christianity. Check out the awesome blogger's links below!  I will add to the list as they come in!]

I have had quite a few art forms impact me in the last 5 years.  However, recently, I have been really amazed and blessed through music.  Mainly because I have been able to work with an amazing keyboard and vocal coach.  A coach that is able to "see art" and potential in me and help bring that to the surface and, a coach that is able bring life lessons into each session.
Initially when I started playing my keyboards I was really nervous.  I hammered away at arpeggios and scales with hesitant starts and stops, no rhythm and varied volume.  I tended to be too hard on the keys and always getting ahead of the recommended time signature.  Unfortunately, not too uncommon as to how I can live my life.  I tend to be a little too hard on myself (friend's feedback), hesitate because of fear and try to get ahead of God's time signature.

The good news, my keyboard playing has become more fluent and more in time with the beat!  Why?  Well, it's because of one thing...practice.  A word that I believe He is encouraging me to learn in life too.  Practicing giving and receiving grace.  Practice "pressing in" and taking risks.  Practice waiting on God, letting go and allowing His timing to unfold.

More recently in one of my vocal lessons, my coach was working with me on placement of my voice in my head(or outside of it) to produce the desired sound with the correct volume and the most efficiency of my breath.  She proceeded to tell me a story about one of her more advanced students.  She told me that he had an amazing session in which he hit everything perfectly and then realized exactly JUST how powerful it was.  It was a time that musicians experience that really keeps them hooked...and, where it often becomes VERY spiritual in nature.  It was a time of 100% complete surrender and, as my vocal coach put it, a surrender in allowing God to "play the instrument exactly how it was intended to be played"...God's spirit singing through this student and producing His sound...perfect.

So, while practice does help, I believe surrender has to play a part.  Surrendering our lives and allowing Him to sing His song in us, over us and through us!  That piece I'm still learning too.  Practice and surrender.  Two very tough lessons.  Two that I pray become part of my keyboard playing, singing...and, part of my life.  Practice can seemingly keep us heading in a direction towards perfection, improvement and growth.  But surrender, I believe can balance that out.  A balance and a knowledge of the fact that we can only improve if it is Christ living in and through us, making even our "mistakes" look beautiful...washing away our sins!  Allowing us to grow without being too hard on ourselves!

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep." - Scott Adams

I just believe that if I can continue to remember these things and apply them to life, I will be able to be His instrument, His song.  And, to be His instrument exactly as it was intended to be played.  A total surrender to Him, allowing whatever art form to be released!  Allowing Him to live, play, paint, speak, write, act, sculpt and sing through me!  I also believe this will allow me to see the real beauty and art in myself...and, in others.

Links to Synchrobloggers below:


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Friday, June 25, 2010

The Few & The Narrow

So often I have to remind myself of a couple of scriptures when it comes to the lack of interest in serving the church. I was a member of a pretty big church for 10 years and I remember how it seemed like the same few people did all the “work”.  Same people interceding, same people serving communion, so on and so forth. AND, well serving His church also includes reaching out and including the broken-hearted, the lost, the lonely…the “least of these”.

2And he said to them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest. 3Go your way; behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves. –Luke 10:2-3(ESV)

Graham Cooke often says his ministry is “reaching Christians for Christ”…and, while I laugh at that statement (because it’s funny), I also ache inside a little because so often that is the case! We as Christians just sometimes don’t GET IT!!! We are SO COMFORTABLE in America that if reaching out and including people doesn’t fit into our schedules, life-style or clique…well, we are just not going to do it!  It seems to me that Jesus’ ministry was primarily filled with finding…even going out of His way (Woman at the well) to reach the fatherless, the rejected, the needy…which can be any of us…anyone that is HONEST with their brokenness!

It’s hard to be honest about brokenness, but sometimes, when we are, we realize we are not alone…ALL of us are broken! And, the interesting thing to me is the way God reveals this is often through those in our community in which we least expect it!

“Community is the place where the person you least want to live with, always lives!”-Henri Nouwen

So, I tried another big church for awhile and well, I wonder why this was the same case with a "few workers"!? Hmmm…can Satan have us so deceived that we don’t follow our mission? Do we need to have a “come to Jesus meeting” with each other? OR, do we need to pray that we would LIVE the mission and connect with each other? Well, YES, PRAYER is the obvious choice, but I believe we also need to just realize that maybe FEW will truly reach the harvest?! Few because I believe the choice to serve like Jesus wants us to also is HARD and well, NARROW!  Few actually choose to connect with those in their community and serve.

13"Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. 14For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few. –Matthew 7:13-14(ESV)

The narrow gate is hard because it often is the uncomfortable route for most of us. It includes obedience, discipline, suffering, pain and SURRENDERING! Surrendering our lives daily to God’s will! Just this past week, my small group studied and discussed surrendering.

I have to admit…a VERY hard thing for me sometimes! Probably because it IS including the narrow way! But, WHY is it that I want the wide gate? This gate leads to destruction? Probably because I believe the wide gate IS the best and may be “easy” in the short-term, but then, eventually leads to my harm. So, right now, the choice again is PRAYER! Prayer that I would have the COURAGE to enter that narrow gate, surrender and serve those Christ wants me to serve!

Again, I would like to share a poem God gave me as I processed surrendering…

Heartbeat of God


Laying my head
Upon Your chest
Your pulse I hear
As I rest.

You gently say,
“I am here.”
“No more worry,
No more fear!”


Heartbeat of God
Beat with mine
Restore my soul
Take my life.


In Your Comfort
I am still
Beside Your stream
In Your Will.


Walking in peace
Guide my step
Your rhythm leads
Right or left.


Heartbeat of God
Beat with Mine
Restore my soul
Take my life.
     -Tammy Carter

So, as His Beloved, I pray we would be part of the few to reach the harvest, enter the narrow gate...AND surrender to Him! Surrender because I believe He will restore our souls giving us rest, peace, trust, faith and HOPE!
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